Is this you?
I’ve never experienced remorse after a round of golf but yesterday I truly regretted my actions as I drove home after playing 18 holes with some friends. The day started off well. I put together a long string of bogeys which didn’t bother me because I had a chance for either birdie or par in every instance and my putter was just a little off.
Then it happened. I started hitting the ball thin. The wheels flew completely off my game and I couldn’t stop it. Quadruple bogey on a par 4 and a promising round ruined. This was a quality of play that was way below my potential. This alone would not have been an issue except it happened again on the front and then I just lost it.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and my playing partners could tell I was visibly upset at myself. I’m typically not one to go into a rage but I internalize it and I was just being incredibly hard on myself. Up to that point, we were all joking and having a great time. I was in the middle of that. But, when I got upset, the mood changed. Everyone got more quiet. And every-one’s game suffered as a result.
I did not have enough self awareness at the time but as I was driving home I started thinking about it. Why was I so hard on myself? What was I really trying to accomplish with my game and was it important enough to ruin a perfectly fine afternoon of golf for myself and others? Is this really how I want to be perceived on the golf course and with my friends?
Then, it hit me. I’m a hyper competitive person. I always have been. And I set almost impossible goals for myself in life and that extends to sports. But, in this instance, that competitiveness was working against me. I’m not going to be a tour pro. And at this point in my life, at age 40 with a wife and two kids, I’m not going to a top amateur player either. The main goal should be to spend time with friends and enjoy their company. Be outdoors and get some fresh air. Enjoy the game and most importantly – have FUN. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten that.
Now I need to go call my friends and apologize.
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Don’t feel too bad, Blaine, it has happened to all of us.
I too am a hugely competitive person and, as a result, have spoiled many of my friends’ rounds by getting in a huff and throwing clubs about.
But like you I have realised how this works against me and now, instead of getting frustrated, I think how lucky I am to be out in the open with my best mates and I don’t care what scores I shoot.
I really enjoyed this article
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admin Reply:
May 31st, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I appreciate it Joe. It doesn’t help that most of my friends are very level headed on the golf course. If they get upset then they hardly ever show it. I admire that quality in all of them.
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Great post!
I’m a few years younger than you are and constantly have to remind myself to have fun playing golf. When I have managed to do that, I have played better, but then it all gets a little “Star Wars”!
“Let Go of Your Feeings!” as Yoda would say…
Great blog, thanks for the post.
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admin Reply:
May 31st, 2009 at 1:08 pm
James – It’s amazing how things that little green puppet said applies to everyday life. Great wisdom, he has.
Thanks for the feedback.
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A great reminder for all of us. Especially me.
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Hey Blaine,
This is a human character it happens sometime and not just to you, we all at times just overdo things. I am 21 and I too wanted to be on top in just everything I do daily. Sometime I get success and sometime a sad day. Golf is my passion too. But as you said we must not flow with wind so much that we regret later. That’s why I have stopped forcing myself to do extra efforts in golf at least. I some time play online golf games and they suit me at times, at least to satisfy my hidden passion for this great game.
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I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this happen. What usually seems to stop the “rage” is even more joking, teasing and fun until the person throwing the fit just gets over it.! Now granted, that doesn’t always work, especially when playing for the big money (who buys at the end of the round) but it usually does. At our ages …Older than your 40 by the way, we all realize this is just for fun. Hopefully more get that point.
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No worries Blaine, we all have days when we’re just not at the races! Laughing off your bad strokes and channelling your passion into concentration instead of frustration can help you turn a bad round around, and improve your game. Of course, easier said than done!
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Youngster, I didn’t even start playing until I was 47, and I still IMMEDIATELY had dreams of winning a tournament… Even now I sometimes have trouble beating myself.
Oh, what did I just say? Oops, time for a nap, or better yet the driving range:)
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admin Reply:
June 6th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Rory-
LOL. Its been a while since anyone has called me a youngster. Thanks, I needed that!
Appreciate the feedback and welcome to the site.
Regards,
Blaine
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Phana24JG Reply:
June 6th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Rory, Nice to see I am not the only fossil on the board. 47 here as well, and still tossing a club if I am really annoyed.
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Blaine, I am also crazy competitive. I also used to be a musician. As a musician you do not perform until you practice a lot-like to perfection. In golf, you cannot practice to perfection before you play. (since it is impossible for us working folks/weekend hackers)
It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that in golf I will make bad shots and THAT IS NORMAL. It is OK to have fun when you are not playing great. It is hard to realize that each shot is just a shot. Just one shot. Move on.
I am obviously working on some of the same issues that you are!
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I really enjoyed this post, Blaine. I appreciate your honesty. I think anyone who has taken golf somewhat seriously has experienced a lot of things you shared. Golf isn’t just a game; it’s a teacher. Mainly, it teaches how to handle adversity. No one, not even Tiger, truly masters the game. So much of it is how you deal with it. OK, so sorry for getting all philosophical on you.
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Golf, a game of controled emotions,yet often easier said than done! I think the golfing community as a whole can identify with this sometimes unavoidable emotion in spite of the fact we know it most often results in an unhappy ending. To sum this up, once your emotions turn to uncontrollabe anger, your focus is gone and so goes your game.
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